Red Herring---something intended to divert attention from the real problem or matter at hand.
It is a well known but often hard to remember fact that the human psyche works in such a way so as to divert attention from what is real to that which is unreal. The psyche wants to protect us, or as we call it in psychology ‘defend,’ against issues that we deem too painful to dwell in. As a result, you may find yourself obsessively thinking about something that feels quite important to you, but in actuality is a diversion from the underlying issue that may be generating your distress.
Imagine you buy a new home and the foundation is cracked, but instead of fixing the crack you focus on picking the nicest interiors possible. The reality is, even with the chicest of décor, without addressing the failing foundation the house will experience increasingly severe problems over time. This is often the case with the stress and turmoil we face in our lives. Although there may be something very real and hurtful occurring, such as a difficult relationship, unresolved grief, a need to draw a boundary, or an unresolved issue within yourself, you may instead find yourself focusing on things that are actually inconsequential to your fulfillment, (i.e. making more money, plastic surgery, over scheduling yourself, your weight, or working to make your child more perfect).
Ask yourself: Is this what I need to focus on to be happy or is this a Red Herring, that serves to distract me from what is actually holding me back? As you focus on what it is that truly ails you, although this may be painful, you will find that it becomes easier to build an enduring sense of happiness. Dr. Jill
