A Therapy Moment

Stress In America Survey - Results for Washington DC area

2010-09-02T12:56:00.004-04:00

Here is a link for the Stress in America Survey Results for the Washington DC area. See how jobs, relationships, money and housing are affecting our community (and possibly you!). I am seeing more anxiety that manifests as irritability and fatigue and the results bear this out.

We live in a pressure-filled environment and so must be conscious of its effects on our lives. Take a look at your life. What are your sources of stress? Money and work? Relationships? Raising kids? It may seem difficult to pin it down at first glance because the tendency is to focus on symptoms. For example, if you are feeling irritated with your spouse the focus will be on your spouse's behavior and not on your stress level and irritability. The challenge is to step outside your immediate experience so you can see more clearly how all the parts are interacting. Perhaps your spouse's behavior is problematic in that it does trigger a negative response from you. However, perhaps your response is exacerbated by (for example) your own pattern of self-criticism. When something like this is at play, external stress presses on internal stress and a negative cycle begins. Make sense?

I offer this as a way to begin your self-reflection. - Dr. Robin

Red Herrings

2010-05-21T13:23:00.002-04:00

Red Herring---something intended to divert attention from the real problem or matter at hand.

It is a well known but often hard to remember fact that the human psyche works in such a way so as to divert attention from what is real to that which is unreal. The psyche wants to protect us, or as we call it in psychology ‘defend,’ against issues that we deem too painful to dwell in. As a result, you may find yourself obsessively thinking about something that feels quite important to you, but in actuality is a diversion from the underlying issue that may be generating your distress.

Imagine you buy a new home and the foundation is cracked, but instead of fixing the crack you focus on picking the nicest interiors possible. The reality is, even with the chicest of décor, without addressing the failing foundation the house will experience increasingly severe problems over time. This is often the case with the stress and turmoil we face in our lives. Although there may be something very real and hurtful occurring, such as a difficult relationship, unresolved grief, a need to draw a boundary, or an unresolved issue within yourself, you may instead find yourself focusing on things that are actually inconsequential to your fulfillment, (i.e. making more money, plastic surgery, over scheduling yourself, your weight, or working to make your child more perfect).

Ask yourself: Is this what I need to focus on to be happy or is this a Red Herring, that serves to distract me from what is actually holding me back? As you focus on what it is that truly ails you, although this may be painful, you will find that it becomes easier to build an enduring sense of happiness. Dr. Jill

Tax Day Stress

2010-04-06T12:42:00.001-04:00

Tips for Managing Money Stress.

With the looming IRS tax deadline on April 15, more Americans are experiencing financial stressors and may be dealing with them in unhealthy ways, according to the American Psychological Association (APA).

Stress related to tax deadlines can increase reliance on the unhealthy behaviors many people already use to cope with everyday stressors related to money, work, personal and family health matters and raising children. APA warns that increased reliance on unhealthy behaviors to manage stress can lead to long-term, serious health problems.

"People who cope with stress in unhealthy ways may alleviate symptoms of stress in the short term, but end up creating significant personal health problems over time, and, ironically, more stress," says Dr. Steven Cohen, president of the Pennsylvania Psychological Association. "It's important that people identify times of the year, such as tax season, that may cause increased stress in their lives and take a proactive approach to stress management by creating opportunities to engage in healthier coping behaviors."

A 2009 survey by the American Psychological Association found that money and the economy are the top sources of stress for adults. These interrelated issues are emphasized for many during the tax-filing process. The survey also found that, overall, people are engaging in unhealthy behaviors, such as eating to alleviate stress, making poor diet choices, smoking, drinking and being inactive to manage financial and other life stressors.

Here are some strategies for managing financial stress:

Define stress. Everyone experiences stress differently. How do you know when you are stressed? Does that experience change during tax filing season or when making financial decisions?

Identify money stressors. What events or situations trigger stressful feelings? Are they related to meeting tax deadlines, paying bills, money decisions, financial responsibilities at work or home? Or something else?

Recognize how you deal with financial stress. Some people deal with stress by using unhealthy behaviors such as smoking, drinking or over/under eating. Determine if you are using those types of unhealthy behaviors to cope with financial related stress. Is this a behavior you rely on year-round, or is it specific to tax filing deadlines or other money decisions? Do you turn to unhealthy financial behaviors such as overspending, misuse of credit cards, neglecting bills or constantly borrowing money in an effort to deal with financial stressors?

Understand what money means to you. Money is often symbolic of emotional issues that may seem unrelated to your personal finances. What does money represent to you? How might that increase your stress?

Find healthy ways to manage stress. Consider healthy, stress-reducing activities -- taking a short walk, exercise, or talking things out with friends and family. Try to develop these types of healthy stress management behaviors so that when you're in a financial crisis, you'll have healthy strategies available to help you reduce stress. Keep in mind, unhealthy behaviors develop over the course of time and can be difficuclt to change. Don't take on too much at one time. Focus on changing only one behavior at a time.

As for professional support. Accepting help from friends and family who care about you and will listen to you about your financial challenges can improve your ability to manage stress. Financial planners are also available to help you take control over your money situation. If you continue to be overwhelmed by financial stress, you may want to talk with a psychologist who can help you address the emotions behind your money behaviors, manage stress and change unhealthy behaviors.

-- A Therapy Moment -- from Dr. Robin

It's easier to stay the same...

2010-03-31T13:50:00.005-04:00

...unless it's not. Anais Nin wrote, "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful that the risk it took to blossom." In our work with our patients, those who are depressed or very anxious, we hear and we observe that change is hard. This is not news. What can I say, we all do a little risk/reward analysis whenever we take a different course of action. Is it worth it to try something different on the menu when I know I like the lasagne? What if the veal parmesan is not as good? Is it worth it to keep my feelings hidden so I do not make my wife mad? But what does that do to me? Like water, human beings follow the path of least resistance and that path is carved over time and becomes very entrenched. It often takes an earthquake to reroute a flowing body of water... and, to change the course of entrenched human behavior. Even if that behavior does not produce satisfying outcomes. Depression and anxiety are common negative outcomes for those whose emotions get stuck or follow along a pathway that no longer suits them.

If you are perplexed by your feelings or your behaviors, if you ask yourself why on earth do I put up with that? or why do I fail to do the thing I really want to do?... perhaps you are getting to a place where it is becoming easier to do something different. Change is hard, but sometimes it's easier than to stay the same.

-- A Therapy Moment -- from Dr. Robin

Welcome to your therapy moment...

2010-03-04T12:42:00.000-05:00

We are two licensed Clinical Psychologists working in a private practice setting. In our work we emphasize understanding and accepting all parts of you. We find that most people suffer when they fail to accept or push away aspects of themselves that they judge as unworthy, unlovable, or shameful. These are things that many people tell themselves to stop pain but, paradoxically, this creates more suffering. We hope to inspire you through bringing you ideas to reflect upon for yourself, your life and your relationships.
Dr. Robin & Dr. Jill